Marriage for Life: From surviving to thriving: A conversation on faith, science and finding peace

By Jay Wonacott

Director of Marriage and Family Life

for the Diocese of Boise

with Jim Otremba, M.Div, M.S., LICSW

Writer’s note: Many faithful Catholics in our Diocese find themselves caught in a cycle of “survival mode”—juggling the demands of growing families, the pressures of work, and an ever-increasing sense of anxiety. I had the opportunity to speak with Jim Otremba—a licensed therapist and a frequent voice on Relevant Radio—to discuss part of the solution: the upcoming virtual retreat, “Naming & Taming Anxiety and Negative Stress,” which begins March 3.

Jay Wonacott: Jim, we are so pleased to bring you to the people of the Diocese of Boise again, even if it is virtually. You and your wife, Maureen, were here in the fall of 2024 to lead a marriage retreat. I know many people who love God and love the Church, but they are absolutely exhausted. They feel guilty that they aren’t “joyful” enough. Why do you think so many faithful Catholics struggle with this?

Jim Otremba: Jay, it’s a pleasure to be with you. You hit on a major pain point right away: the “guilt of the stressed Catholic.” We often tell ourselves, “If I just trusted God more, I wouldn’t feel this way.” But that’s a misunderstanding of how God designed our bodies.

Anxiety isn’t a lack of faith; often, it’s a nervous system that has been stuck on “high alert” for too long. Whether it’s the high cost of living, the pressures of parenting in a digital age or personal wounds, our brains get wired for survival. When we are in survival mode, we can’t be fully present to our spouse, our children or even the Holy Spirit. We end up “time-a-ciding”—killing our time with worry instead of living in the peace Christ promised.

Jay: You’ve been a therapist for nearly three decades. What makes this retreat different from a standard secular stress-management course or a typical parish mission?

Jim: It’s a “whole-person” approach. Most secular programs focus only on the brain, and some spiritual retreats focus only on the soul. But God created us as a unity of body and spirit. This retreat bridges 21st-century brain science with the timeless truths of our Catholic faith.

We aren’t just “sprinkling Bible verses” on top of self-help. We are inviting Christ into the very biology of our stress. For example, in Week 2 of our four-week program, we look at the Gospel of John alongside brain biology to understand how to rewire our response to triggers. We use the tools God gave us—both scientific and spiritual—to move from chronic stress to Christ-centered calm.

Jay Wonacot

Jay: Let’s talk about the structure. It’s a four-week journey starting March 3, 2026. What can a busy dad or a stressed-out mom expect when they log onto Zoom each Tuesday night?

Jim: I designed this to be “Maximum Engagement, Minimum Stress.” I know people are tired, so I don’t want to give them more “homework.” Here’s the four-week schedule.

• Week 1: Name It to Tame It

We use validated tools like the GAD-7 to see where you actually are. We look at the roots of your anxiety and start using Gospel-based self-talk to stop the cycle of negative thoughts. We also jump right into other interventions that will help your stress today.

• Week 2: Rewire Your Response

This is where we learn about the nervous system. We practice the “Prayerful Choice”—a specific way to shift from a state of panic to a state of virtue.

• Week 3: Anchor Your Heart

We dive into the “forgiveness fundamentals.” Unresolved wounds are often the fuel for anxiety. We also practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) to help the body physically let go of tension.

• Week 4: Create a New Rhythm

Finally, we build your “Rhythm of Peace.” This ensures that when the retreat ends, the transformation continues.

Jay: I appreciate the fact that you use the terms “Gospel-based self-talk.” I think many of us are our own worst critics. We wouldn’t talk to a friend the way we talk to ourselves. God doesn’t speak to us this way either.

Jim Otremba,  M.Div, M.S., LICSW 

Jim: Exactly. One of our past participants, Colleen, mentioned she struggled with perfectionism. She learned that “little changes make positive differences” and that it’s okay not to do it all perfectly. That is the Holy Spirit at work. We replace the “garbage self-talk” with God’s Word. When you do that, your brain biology actually begins to change.

Jay: You’ve helped thousands of couples throughout the U.S. through the Fully Engaged marriage prep program. How does this retreat impact marriages and parenting?

Jim: It’s transformative. One mother who took the class mentioned she signed up because of her 11-year-old son who was struggling. After she started using the Catholic meditation that I teach and calming tools she learned in the first session, they went eight school mornings in a row without a panic attack!

When a parent or spouse learns to “tame” their own anxiety, it changes the entire atmosphere of the home. You become “available” to the Holy Spirit and to your family again. You move from reacting to your children to responding to them with the gentleness of Christ.

Jay: I know that some can be skeptical of “virtual” retreats. They wonder if they can really connect or get their questions answered through a screen. How do you handle that?

Jim: Every session is live. This isn’t a pre-recorded video series. We spend 45 minutes on active skill-building—we actually fill out the handouts together—and then we have 15 minutes of dedicated, live Q&A. I am there with all the participants. Plus, if someone signs up before February 24, he will get the “Early-Bird” bonuses, which include two months access to unedited retreat recordings, and two months of email follow-up from me to help him integrate these habits.

Jay: Jim, for the exhausted person who is reading this right now, feeling like they are just barely treading water, what is your message to them?

Jim: My message is: You were not created to simply survive. God wants you to thrive in your vocation. Whether you are struggling with work stress, sleep issues or a constant “hum” of worry, there is a way out. I have seen patterns that work in my 28 years of clinical practice, and I’ve seen the power of the Holy Spirit move in ways science can’t explain.

This retreat is a safe, Spirit-led environment where you can finally get the tools you need. It’s $97 for the whole four weeks—that’s about $25 a session. It is an investment in your mental health and your spiritual life that will pay dividends for your family for years to come. Space is limited, so register today. I truly believe this is going to be a blessing for the Diocese of Boise.

To register, visit lowermyanxiety.com .

Retreat Details at a Glance

• What: Naming & Taming Anxiety and Negative Stress (a 4-Week Virtual Retreat)

• When: Tuesdays: March 3, 10, 17, & 24, 2026

• Time: 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM MST (Boise time)

• Where: Live on Zoom (flexible replays available)

• Cost: $97.00 total (less than $25.00 per session).

• Early-Bird Deadline: Register by Feb. 24, 2026, for free recordings and email follow-up support.

• Limited Space: Register today.

Register here:

www.lowermyanxiety.com