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Marriage for Life: Thoughts from the father of the bride
- Jay Wonacott
- 22 minutes ago
- 5 min read
By Jay Wonacott
Director of Marriage and Family Life
for the Diocese of Boise
On February 1, 2026, I joined the ranks of parents who have had a child marry.
My second daughter, Cathleen, married Tyler Tackett at St. Mark’s Catholic Church. Wedding days are filled with so much excitement, and as her father, I wanted to take a lot of “mental pictures” of the key events. I can say that it was truly one of the best days of my life. I know it was for my daughter and her new husband.
It was amazing seeing Cathleen in her gorgeous wedding dress. It takes hours for a bride to get ready — hair, makeup, the fuss over the dress — everything must be just right. For the groom, it is different!
Upon arriving at the church a few minutes late, Tyler needed my help getting his necktie on and pinning a boutonniere to his suit. I have only daughters, so I got a small glimpse of what it might be like to have a son and of the differences between men and women when it comes to weddings (and maybe life, too).
From generation to generation
I was particularly touched by the traditional “giving away” ceremony, where the father of the bride joins the hand of his daughter with the hand of the groom. With the congregation of friends and family looking towards the back of the Church, I accompanied Cathleen as we processed up the main aisle to the altar. We bowed, and then I shook Tyler’s hand and took Cathleen’s hand, and put it in Tyler’s.
I stepped back as Cathleen and Tyler proceeded to the altar together. This symbolized the action of what the book of Genesis calls the “leaving” and “cleaving.” The couple, after exchanging vows, conceives a new family. They “leave” their families to “cleave” to one another. The exchange of their vows creates a union that God blesses with the gift of one another as a couple and with possibility and openness to new life—the next generation.
As the father of the bride, it hit home very clearly that my daughter was now a woman entering into a covenantal bond with a man, which hopefully will bring about grandchildren. I was reminded of the words of Mary’s Magnificat: “His mercy is from generation unto generations, to them that fear [the Lord].” It is a wonderous thing to consider the goodness of life through the eyes of the newly made bride and groom , who become husband and wife, who are open to love and life that it might bring. From generation to generation, witnessing the marriage of a man and woman open to life brings hope to the whole human race.
All of those gathered to hear Cathleen and Tyler exchange vows witnessed the fact that marriage is truly a social sacrament. Those gathered are those who will also support them in their life together.
One of the false myths of our society (maybe call it the “Disney princess effect”) is that marriage, in the eyes of popular culture, is the “perfect” man and “perfect” woman, problem-free, with unrealistic romantic notions of love at the center of their lives. The truth is that marriage involves imperfect people, often with many problems, and the cross—a different meaning of love—is at the center of life as a Christian.
The good news is that God pours out his blessings, especially in the support of friends and family to help support a couple in all the stages of married life. The union of hearts in marriage is also the union of families.
This connection with past generations is exemplified in Tyler’s and Cathleen’s wedding rings. On the wedding program, we shared the history of their rings:
“Tyler’s dad, Forest, passed away when Tyler was just 13 years old. When Cathleen and Tyler became engaged last year, Tyler’s mom, Bonnie, offered Forest’s wedding ring to him, to serve as a reminder of his dad’s presence in his life and in his marriage. Tyler happily accepted the offer, and it is his dad’s ring that he will accept from Cathleen today.”
“Cathleen’s grandfather, Bill Molitor, passed away on February 1, 2018. Grandpa Bill was Cathleen’s godfather, so having her wedding on the anniversary of his death is a special privilege. Cathleen’s grandmother, MaryLou, asked Cathleen if she would like to have her wedding ring, since she no longer wore it. Now, wearing the ring given to her grandmother by her Grandpa Bill will be a forever reminder of their steadfast love and their enduring marriage.”
Marriage advice from Dad
During the reception celebration, I shared with Cathleen and Tyler some marriage advice that I got from one of Cathleen’s favorite sitcoms, The Office. In communicating with my children, I try to find examples in popular culture that make a meaningful point and, in this way, speak a love language that my daughters understand. Our family’s love language is quoting our favorite TV shows to one another.
One of my favorite episodes of The Office is the one when Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley get married. There is a scene where Jim and Pam are talking about how quickly the wedding day goes by. Pam shows Jim how to take a “mental picture” of the day, so they don’t forget the special moments.
Using this scene as context, I shared this advice with Cathleen and Tyler. I encouraged them to take lots of mental pictures every day of their lives together.
Capture mental pictures of moments wherever you encounter goodness, truth and beauty in persons, places or things. At the end of each day, as you lie in bed together and examine the events of your day, take another look at the mental pictures of those moments that brought meaning to your lives that day. Take mental pictures also of those first times and the last times.
On top of all the firsts, which are usually filled with joy, there will be mental pictures of things that are difficult or hard to face—like the goodbye of a friend or death of a loved one. Sharing one beautiful insight that brought meaning to your life that day will greatly impact your marriage and bring you both happiness. You will use these mental pictures to build an album of memories that you can take with you into 10, 20, 30, 40 or even 50 years of marriage.
I know that I took many mental pictures of this wedding day in our lives as a family. We truly are blessed to see the next generation marry and open themselves to a new adventure of life and love.
Let us continue to support marriage in our culture and encourage young people, like Tyler and Cathleen, to say “yes” to married life and all the goodness it brings to every generation.