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Father Leszko calls women’s organization a ‘spiritual treasure’ for Diocese, parishes The following story appeared in the May 12 Idaho Catholic Register. Back row, from left, Father Adrian Leszko, parochial vicar at St. Mark’s in Boise and spiritual advisor for ICCW; Father Francisco Godinez, pastor at Corpus Christi in Fruitland; and Father Jerry Funke, pastor at St. Agnes in Weiser. Front row, from left, are board members of ICCW, Mary Glenn, Pierrette Madrid, Tina Turpin, Woman of the Year Kimberly Hanigan and Crystal Church. (ICR photo/Emily Woodham) Emily Woodham Staff Writer FRUITLAND – The 60 women who attended the biennial convention of the Idaho Council of Catholic Women heard riveting stories from women whose own lives are a testament to the convention’s theme, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you,” taken from Ezekiel 36. Their stories are an inspiration as well to Father Adrian Leszko, parochial vicar at St. Mark’s Parish in Boise, and the recently appointed spiritual advisor to ICCW. “I would like you to always remember that you are not only workers, people of action, but you are also a spiritual treasure in the Church in Idaho,” Father Leszko said during his remarks at the organization’s 78th biennial convention April 28-30 at Corpus Christ Parish in Fruitland. Katie Kuchar, a mother of six, told those attending about her experience of nearly dying from a medical emergency in 2020 and how the aftermath of that crisis became her own journey of a heart transformed from “a heart of stone to a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26) In January 2020, Kuchar gave birth to her sixth child. Although the birth seemed normal, she had numerous health problems postpartum, including nearly hemorrhaging to death. After numerous tests and hospitalizations, doctors said that the only way to save her life was for her to have a full hysterectomy. The news was devastating, given her age – 30 – and the fact that she and her husband loved having children and planned to be open to life throughout their marriage. Despite the great heartache of becoming “permanently infertile,” she was not done facing trials. Soon after her surgery, she became ill with COVID. She recovered, but more difficulties and disappointments were to come. “My story is not unique. I’ve heard lots of stories from lots of other people,” especially during 2020, the height of the pandemic, she said. “Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. … And life is still worth living. God is still worth trusting.” Before the incidents of 2020, Kuchar said she had a heart of stone, although she was good at hiding it. “I thought I had to be perfect to be loved. When I went through all that stuff, God was there, even though I couldn’t feel Him. And He taught me that I don’t have to do anything to be loved. Whatever good or bad that I do, God loves me the same. He doesn’t change.” God showed her these truths through the people “who reached out their hands and lifted” her, she said, through all the difficult times. “I learned that when my heart breaks, His heart breaks, too.” When she thought she was dying, she also realized that so many of the things that she was upset and worried about didn’t matter. “When death is staring you in the face, it doesn’t matter anymore that so-and-so said such-and-such about me. None of that matters. My stony heart was full of resentment, grudges and pride. Jesus gave me His heart, and He continues to do so. The process of having a ‘heart of flesh’ ” is continuous, she said. In the end, all that matters is love, Kuchar concluded. “Death does not have the last word, fear does not have the last word. Pain does not have the last word, nor does suffering. Love has the last word.” SANDRA LOERA , a parishioner at Corpus Christi Parish who came back to the Church after a time of losing her faith, spoke about her spiritual journey in discerning Religious life. When she returned to the Church, she had hoped to join a Religious community. Through prayer and counseling, she persevered through spiritual darkness and also overcame abuse from her childhood. However, the community she had set her hopes on turned out not to be where she was called. The disappointment and feelings of rejection by the Religious community resulted in more spiritual trials. Through her friends and parish community, she was able to persevere and “pick up the pieces” of her life, she said. Although the suffering was difficult, it has helped her to find more compassion for others going through heartbreak, she said. Pierrette Madrid, outgoing president of ICCW and a parishioner at Corpus Christi Parish, spoke briefly to the women attending the conference. “I pray we all find loving hearts in everything we do,” Madrid said As leaders of the Church, ICCW has the task of continuing the growth of faith in Idaho, she said. There is also a need to increase ICCW’s membership, which declined during the pandemic of 2020, Madrid said. “I am sure we are up to the task and will find creative and innovative ways to empower and grow our organization,” Madrid said. Kimberly Hanigan, ICCW’s outgoing treasurer, was named the Woman of the Year. She was honored for her “love and joy” in volunteering for ICCW and at her parish, also Corpus Christi in Fruitland. “Kimberly has done numerous things and filled numerous roles through the years, from serving different roles on the board of ICCW to teaching religious education at her parish,” Madrid said. FATHER LESZKO was appointed spiritual advisor for ICCW by Bishop Peter Christensen, a move that surprised him. “I am really excited and thankful to the Bishop for putting his trust in me,” he said, noting that he was just ordained in 2021. During his remarks, Father Leszko encouraged ICCW to continue its good work. “I am always amazed with how much work ICCW does,” he said. “They have such an openness to help, and they are such virtuous women.” “It’s wonderful to see women who are committed to so much love, to be merciful, forgiving, always ready to show the beauty of our faith,” he said. “It’s incredible, especially for those people who are in darkness, who come to the Church looking for faith, to see these women who are always welcoming and joyful. They are full of the beautiful news of the Resurrection and full of the Spirit.” The role of women in the Church is exemplified by Mary Magdalene, whose primary work was to bring the news of the Resurrection, Father Leszko said. “I wish that you all would always rejoice in the message of the Resurrection because everything that we do – our charity, our works, our prayer life – is to give testimony to the Risen Christ.” The Catholic Church in America stands on the hard work of women, he said. The staff and volunteers of American churches are mostly women. “We have women who have tender hearts who help parishes in thousands-and-more ways to survive,” he said. Father Leszko emphasized that all believers are meant to take up their crosses and follow Jesus as He carries His Cross. “We sometimes think that when we choose to be Catholic, everything will be fine. ‘I will have the grace of the Holy Spirit; I will be levitating in prayer; everything will be great.’ But we know that we have to be Christ-like.” This means, he said, to be willing to withstand suffering, being misjudged, misunderstood and persecuted. The way to realize our mission as Christians is to stay connected to God, he said. “We must ask God for insight, for spiritual gifts, which the Holy Spirit has to give us.” St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta is a model for staying connected to God through Adoration, the Mass and prayer before embarking on good works, he said. “If I work too much, if I’m all action, I have to stop. I have to give space to Christ in my life,” Father Leszko said. “It’s very important to understand that. Every saint was immersed in God. The saints were immersed in the love of Christ and the ocean of His mercy.” It is from this immersion in relationship with Christ that the saints achieved so much, he said. Christians need to grasp, like St. Peter, the loving forgiveness that God has for everyone, including ourselves, he said. Because of personal experience of God’s love and forgiveness, he said, we share this knowledge with others. “Because of what we experienced, we say to others: ‘You are forgiven; you are not forgotten; you are loved; you are needed; you are desired. You are at the center of the craziness of God’s love.’ This is the beauty we have to share day-by-day in the ministry of the Council of Catholic Women. This is the commission given to each of us through baptism,” he said. If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the April 28 Idaho Catholic Register. Karla and Roberto Esparza By Veronica Gutierrez Staff Writer Karla and Roberto Esparza, parishioners at St. Mark’s Parish in Boise, participated in a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend last March at the Monastery of the Ascension in Jerome. Now they are inviting other couples who have not yet had this experience to do so. “We recommend couples live the weekend to explore new tools that help them communicate better in their married life,” Karla Esparza said. “In addition, they will have the opportunity to live with their partner in a more intimate way, without distractions, to experience a deeper connection as a couple.” Worldwide Marriage Encounter will be holding its second weekend gathering of the year in the Magic Valley on July 28-30. Couples will stay at the Monastery of the Ascension in Jerome. However, because there is already a biblical studies retreat planned there, the talks will be presented at the nearby Our Lady of Guadalupe Hall at St. Edward’s Church in Twin Falls. Couples who have already received the sacrament of marriage as well as couples preparing for marriage can register to attend. Participating in the weekend also satisfies the pre-marital preparation that parishes require for engaged couples. Father Julio Vicente, pastor at St. Edward the Confessor Parish, will guide the retreat where issues related to marriage in today’s world are addressed, as well as God’s desire for marriage, the importance of dialogue and why marriage is a sacrament. During this weekend, couples will obtain tools that allow them to remain strong and united as a couple in order to provide stable and loving environment for their children. Nora Arana, a regional coordinator for Worldwide Marriage Encounter, said about 16 couples from the Magic Valley area are expected to participate. Roberto Esparza said the weekend helped him better understand and gain a deeper connection to his wife’s emotions. He also learned to better communicate his emotions “freely and without shortcuts,” in a way that was very difficult for him to achieve before. At the same time, Karla Esparza said she was able to change the way she listens to her husband. “Now, I am more understanding and patient,” she said. “Some of the fruits that we have received as a couple in our marriage are patience, compassion, and understanding,” Karla said. “The weekend helped us reflect on our relationship as a couple and to realize that we still had a lot of work to do to improve communicating our individual needs and to use a more effective dialogue that allows us to be more patient and understanding in our relationship. This has generated a more loving family environment in our relationship and with our children.” To participate in the next weekend, ask your parish for an application or contact Alberto and Mercedes Aguirre at 208-890-7983 and/or Carlos and Nora Arana at 208-550-4514. These couples or others are also willing to visit the homes of those interested to answer any questions. Fin de Semana del EMM planeado este verano en Jerome, Twin Falls Karla y Roberto Esparza, parroquianos de Saint Mark’s en Boise, Participaron en el Fin de Semana del Encuentro Matrimonial Mundial en marzo pasado en el Monasterio de la Ascensión en Jerome. Ahora ellos estan invitando a otras parejas quienes todavía no han tenido la experiencia de vivirlo. “Recomendamos a las parejas vivir el Fin de Semana para explorar nuevas herramientas que les ayuden a comunicarse mejor en su vida matri-monial”, dijo Karla Esparza. “Además, tendrán la oportunidad de convivir con su pareja de una manera más íntima, sin distracciones, para experimentar una conexión más profunda en pareja”. El Encuentro Matrimonial Mundial llevará a cabo su segundo encuentro de Fin de Semana del año, en Magic Valley del 28 al 30 de julio. Las parejas se alojarán en el Monasterio de la Ascensión en Jerome. Sin embargo, debido a que ya hay un retiro de estu-dios bíblicos planeado allí, las charlas se presentarán en el cercano Salón de Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe en la Iglesia de St. Edward en Twin Falls. Pueden asistir parejas que ya hayan recibido el sacramento del matrimonio y también parejas que aún no. Participar de este encuentro les sirve además como requisito para las pláticas pre-matri-moniales que pide la Iglesia para poder recibir el sacramento. El Padre Julio Vicente, Párroco de Saint Edward’s The Confessor, será el encargado de guiar el retiro en donde se abordan temas relacionados con el matrimonio en el mundo de hoy, anhelo de Dios para el matrimonio, el diálogo, el matrimonio como un sacramento. Durante este fin de semana las parejas pueden obtener herramientas que les permitan permanecer fuertes y unidos como pareja. Esto cambia sus vidas porque les ayuda a vivir en un ambiente estable y amoroso para sus hijos. Nora Arana Coordinadora del Encuentro Matri-monial Mundial, señaló que en esta ocasión, esperan alrededor de 16 parejas del area del Valle Mágico para participar del encuentro. Roberto Esparza, comentó que el Fin de Semana le ayudó a experimentar un entendimiento y una conexión profunda a las emociones de su esposa. Él también ha aprendido a comunicar mejor sus emo-ciones personales “en una forma libre y sin atajos”, algo que antes era muy difícil de conseguir. A mismo tiempo, Karla compartió que tuvo la oportunidad de cambiar la forma en que escuchaba a su esposo. “Ahora soy más comprensiva y paciente a la hora de dialogar”. “Algunos de los frutos que hemos recibido como esposos en nuestro matrimonio son la paciencia, compasión, y comprensión”, reiteró Karla, “el Fin de Semana, nos ayudó a reflexionar sobre nuestra relación en pareja y a darnos cuenta de que todavía teníamos mucho que mejorar respecto a nuestras necesidades emocionales individuales, o cómo es que podemos usar un diálogo más efectivo que nos permite ser más pacientes y comprensivos en nuestra relación. Esto ha generado un ambiente familiar más amoroso en nuestra relación y con nuestros hijos”. Para participar del siguiente Encuentro de Fin de Semana, pueden preguntar en sus respectivas parroquias para llenar una aplicación o bien pu-eden comunicarse con Alberto y Mercedes Aguirre al número (208) 890-7983, Carlos y Nora Arana al número (208) 550- 4514, ellos u otras parejas estarán disponibles para visitarlos en sus hogares y ofrecerles una amplia explicación de lo que significa vivir este encuentro o despejar cualquier duda que pudieran tener al respecto. If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the May 10 Idaho Catholic Register. In this photo before his 2022 death, Chuck Yochum, middle is pictured with his wife, Carolyn. Their children, from left, are Joseph, George “Cliff,” John, Jeanine (Humphrey), Janelle (Tostenrude) and Justin. (Courtesy photo/Carolyn Yochum) By Emily Woodham Staff Writer Death pervades life, but human beings are experts at distracting themselves from its inevitability. “A problem with our culture is that we have removed death from real life. We have sanitized death. Not as many people go to funerals, or even have funerals, as we did in the past,” said Father Mariusz Majewski, rector of the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist in Boise. (Father Mariusz’ father, Stanislaw, passed away shortly after he was interviewed for this story. Father Mariusz celebrated his funeral Mass and has been in Poland for the last month helping his family with final arrangements.) In his 15 years as a priest, and especially during his year in a clinical pastoral education program, Father Majewski (who is called Father Mariusz), has accompanied many people with terminal illness. When people are faced with the reality of their own death, all distractions end, he said. “When people are dying, no one is talking about anything trivial. It is beautiful to walk with people when they are dying. It’s a privilege to be with them in those moments when they face questions, doubts or temptations,” he said. Chuck Yochum was one of the many people who faced imminent death and went to Father Mariusz in search of answers and comfort. In July of 2021, Chuck, a parishioner of the Cathedral, was given the news that he had terminal cancer and had only months to live. After looking at different options, Chuck made his peace with God, Father Mariusz said, and decided to spend his final months at home with hospice care. He died on Jan. 14, 2022. Facing his death with such faith was not happenstance, but came from a lifetime of devotion. Born in 1941, Chuck was a devout Catholic his entire life. “We always went to Sunday Mass,” said Chuck’s widow, Carolyn. “We were cradle Catholics. Neither of us ever fell away from the Church. It just got ingrained in our DNA as children, and it has been a gift that we’ve had our whole life. So we walked the walk together in our faith from the very beginning of our relationship, which was wonderful.” They met while attending Catholic colleges: he at the all-men’s St. Ambrose College in Davenport, Iowa, and she at the all-women’s Marycrest College, also in Davenport. They married on May 29, 1965 and had six children. They moved to the Treasure Valley in 1984 and became parishioners at the Cathedral. Counsel from pastor, care from family were blessings in final days In November of 2021, Chuck asked Father Mariusz if they could meet to talk about his coming death. “We started to meet regularly and talked about mortality, saying goodbye and getting ready to die. It was great because he wanted to talk about some deep, spiritual things,” Father Mariusz said. Carolyn said it was a blessing and a gift from God to have Father Mariusz’s pastoral care. “Father Mariusz was so accessible. When Chuck was talking to him, he was focused on Chuck, his needs and how he was doing with his journey,” she said. Father Mariusz met with Chuck about seven times before Chuck became bedridden, she said. “I really couldn’t provide the spiritual guidance that Chuck was looking for. So I was just so relieved that he could ask questions and get direction from Father Mariusz,” she said. When Chuck wanted to know what eternal life was going to be like, Father Mariusz was honest. “I don’t know. I’m in the same boat as you,” he told Chuck. Chuck worried that his questions were from doubt, but it is not doubt to have questions, Father Mariusz said. “It is good to have questions and to talk about these things.” In general, when people are dying, people mostly want to talk about their faith, whether they believe in eternal life or in God, and their relationships, especially with their spouse, children and extended family members, Father Mariusz said. Chuck had been a dedicated Catholic husband and father. Although he had a successful career in different business ventures, he always made time for his family. He and Carolyn had a strong, happy marriage. With such a well-lived life, most of Chuck’s questions were focused on the afterlife, Father Mariusz said. However, for many, death makes people face problems in their relationships with God and with family. “When there is any severe conflict or unforgiveness, that always comes up to the surface,” Father Mariusz said. “They want to make peace with people in their life and have some kind of resolution. Their career is not that important anymore.” Even if facing death with many regrets, Father Mariusz said that receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the Anointing of the Sick gives Catholics the opportunity to be set free from their past and bitterness. Some people carry the baggage of unforgive-ness for years, he said, but in Confession they can let go and offer God their burdens. “The sacraments are powerful. They allow people to enter the heart of Jesus, and the peace of God’s forgiveness comes in,” he said. Having this time to make peace with God and with people is a part of the beauty of a death that is not sudden, Father Mariusz said. “When I was a kid, every evening we prayed, ‘From sudden, unexpected deaths, save us, O God.’ It’s an old, very profoundly theological prayer. As Catholics, we want to experience a blessed death, which is a death for which you can prepare, so you can take care of the things that are needed to be done before dying,” he said. “I’m surprised when Catholics tell me, ‘Hey Father, I just want to die suddenly, I don’t even want to know when it happens.’ That’s a very strange thing to say as a Catholic, because wouldn’t you want to have the opportunity to prepare for that?” The meaning of a ‘blessed death’ For Catholics, he said, a blessed death means living a long life, being surrounded by family and friends, and receiving the Sacraments and Viaticum, the final taste of the Eucharist for the journey to Heaven after death. “A blessed death is not an accident,” he said. “You are preparing for death with your entire life. So any decision you make today is preparation.” This lifelong preparation can be seen clearly in Chuck’s death. The love and care that Chuck and Carolyn shared in their 56 years of marriage only grew through the final months of Chuck’s life. “He had a number of physical health problems through the years, especially in the later years,” Carolyn said. “I tried to get myself as ready as I could after knowing that I was going to be alone in a matter of months. But there’s really nothing that could prepare you for that.” At the end of Chuck’s life, Carolyn cared for him around the clock. She made sure to take time to eat and rest, but she was ready to help him with whatever he needed at any time, she said. “Jesus says what you do to the least of my brothers, you do to Me. So every time I would take care of him or do anything for him, I’d think, this is a gift to me, because when I’m taking care of Chuck, I’m taking care of Jesus,” she said. “God gave me strength to do what I needed to do. It was truly a grace. He gave me everything I needed to walk that walk.” Their children and grandchildren visited frequently. Even in his last six days, when Chuck was in a coma, family faithfully visited. “They say that you can still hear sometimes even though you’re not physically conscious of talking with people. So the children would come and talk with him and visit with him.” Father Mariusz and other clergy from the Cathedral visited Chuck and Carolyn frequently. As the cancer spread, he grew more and more weak. “When he couldn’t eat or drink, we knew his death was coming soon,” she said. On January 14, family had gathered throughout the day, not knowing for sure when he would die. Carolyn said she is sure that Chuck could hear the joyful sound of their grandchildren playing in the living room as their children spent time at his bedside. Two of their children played a violin and piano duet of Ave Maria for him; the music drifting throughout the house bringing comfort. In the evening, all the children went home, except for a daughter who had flown in from out of state that day. As their daughter sat by his side, Carolyn read Psalm 23 aloud. “Then I told him, ‘Honey, Janelle’s here. It’s okay if you go.’ And he did, he breathed his last,” she said. Include children in the grieving process The inclusion of family in Chuck’s final days and grieving together, including with the young children are healthy practices for family members, Father Mariusz said. Too many families are not including children in their grief, or are not allowing themselves to grieve, he said. “It’s a tragic mistake not to grieve and not facing head on the big questions of life. By putting on a mask and denying grief, we are impoverishing our humanity,” he said. “Bring kids to wakes, to funerals. Allow them to be part of the grieving, and don’t be afraid of that grieving, because that’s a part of life,” he said. It’s a tragic mistake when we try to shelter them, because sooner or later they will face suffering, rejection, and pain in their life. The job of the parents is to prepare them for that, and it is to walk with them.” The dedication to each other and to their children in his final days was something Chuck and Carolyn resolved to have from the very beginning of their marriage, Carolyn said. “We walked the same walk and that made all the difference in the world. Not that we didn’t have our disagreements, like everybody does. But we had the tools to navigate any trouble because of our faith.” A key to their marriage, she said, was that they took the Sacrament of Marriage seriously, never considering divorce an option when things were rough. “We knew that no matter what stormy weather we had to navigate, we would hang in there and ride out the stormy seas until they were over. Even if you don’t agree or you’re not happy with each other, you still have that love for each other. You have to look beyond the surface of the rough water, letting go of the things that are trivial, and you have to look beyond to the depth of your love, the depth of your union,” she said. Their deep love carried them both through to Chuck’s death. Although Carolyn felt relief that Chuck was no longer suffering after his death, she said she mostly felt numb. “You’re so busy with the arrangements for the funeral and with family that you kind of are lifted up. So it’s not really until after everybody leaves and you come home to your empty house, that it really hits you that you’re alone,” she said. “He loved his family more than anything. His whole life he was dedicated to his family,” she said. “He just wanted to provide for the family and take care of us.” As a self-made business man, he made sure his family was well provided for, including college tuition for all his children, she said. He also made sure that Carolyn, who had been a stay-at-home mom, was provided for after his death. “He taught me about how to take care of all our finances,” she said. Planning for family financial well-being The advance preparation in practical matters that Chuck took care of before his passing, such as ensuring that Carolyn was prepared to manage their finances, are examples of prepartion that people often neglect until it’s too late, Father Mariusz said. “It can make it very difficult for a widow (or widower) if they are not prepared to handle the finances,” he said. It’s an act of love to make sure physical needs and practical matters are prepared. “A Christian should be conscious of this all the time – that life is fragile, so we should not kick the can down the road. If we need to do something important, we have to do it now. Don’t wait until the last minute,” he said. The Idaho Catholic Foundation website has a number of documents and materials to aid families who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. By clicking on “3 Must-Have Resources,” families can be mailed material, including a personal estate planning kit, a guide to writing a will and instruction on what to do within the first 48 hours of a loved one’s passing. The website is idahocatholicfoundation.planmylegacy.org . The Diocese of Boise also conducts free Life Planning seminars throughout the Diocese. The next one is planned for Tuesday, April 18, in Marist Hall at St. Paul’s Parish in Nampa. Father Justin Brady will speak about liturgy planning as well as the Church’s teachings on cremation, life support and end-of-life issues. A funeral home and estate planning attorney will be available to answer questions about Durable Powers of Attorney, preparing a will, distributing your estate, health care directives, guardianship issues and leaving a Catholic legacy. Where is heaven? Heaven is with God. Since Chuck’s death, Carolyn leans on God and keeps busy. She travels for family reunions and to visit children and grandchildren. She also teaches piano to two of her granddaughters. “I am surrounded by lots of love, and the Lord has blessed me with good health,” she said. She enjoys daily Mass and listening to Salt & Light Radio for encouragement. “Some of the talk shows they have will talk about grief and about suffering, about turning our life over to the Lord. That’s been helpful,” she said. Although she’s not sure what is next for her on her journey, she knows there are lots of options. “I’m hoping that the good Lord will give me some direction in how I can serve Him in a real meaningful way.” In preparing for Chuck’s funeral, Father Mariusz said he prayed and asked the Lord what he should take away from his time with Chuck. “Where is heaven?” he said, “Heaven is with God. If Jesus tells us in the Gospels that heaven is loving and being in relationship with God, then can’t we say that heaven is not something just in the future, but can begin here and now? Eternity for us is something that can be realized even in this life. Because if we live in the presence of God, if we live connected to the Lord, we are already living and experiencing, the grace, the power and the gift of new life that Jesus gives us.” “That’s the beautiful thing about Christianity – we live in the presence of the Lord and, for us, death is no longer a scary thing. Of course, humanly speaking it’s always scary, but we, as Christians, look at death from the perspective of Christ and His resurrection and the promise that He gave us when He said, ‘Where I am, you also may be. Come be in relationship with Me, and you will be with Me forever in eternity in heaven.’ ” If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the May 10 Idaho Catholic Register. Kathryn and Bob Sewell By Emily Woodham Staff Writer COTTONWOOD – Eileen Uhlenkott, a parishioner of the Tri-Parish Community in Cottonwood, believes hospice care for a death at home is the best way to leave this life. Her experience of being with her mother, Kathryn Sewell during her death in 2010, prompted Eileen to become a hospice volunteer. When her father, Bob, passed away in 2014, she also stayed by his side, holding his hand until he breathed his last. “I felt that I just couldn’t be in the position of getting a phone call and hearing that one of them had passed away. I wanted to be with them,” she said. More Americans are choosing to die at home with hospice care, instead of in a hospital or another medical facility. A study released in 2019 by the New England Journal of Medicine stated that the trend to die at home rose steadily in the early 2000s. Deaths at homes increased from 23.8 percent in 2003 to 30.7 percent in 2017, while deaths in hospitals and nursing facilities declined. By 2017, the percentage of deaths at home had risen to percentages similar to more than 50 years ago. “Home has surpassed the hospital as the most common place of death in the United States for the first time since the early 20th century,” the study stated. When Uhlenkott’s mother had been in the hospital and was nearing the end of her life, the doctors told family that she could go to a transitional facility or go home to die. The choice was clear, Uhlenkott said. “She wanted to be home. We chose hospice.” Uhlenkott’s parents had lived active lives on their ranch on the Salmon River, about two miles across the river from the tiny town of Lucile. They married in 1940 and raised their four children on a ranch near the 120-year-old homestead of Eileen’s great-grand-father. But just a few years before her death, Uhlenkott’s mother moved with her father to Oregon. Bill and Eileen Uhlenkott Her mother lived a little over a week with hospice care before she passed away. She was 88, and her death was just a few months shy of her 70th wedding anniversary. “We could see the days drawing to a close, because her alertness was not there. She’d just sleep,” she said. Uhlenkott, one of her brothers and a cousin took turns caring for Kathryn. All family members had a chance to be with her individually and in groups, she said. “My mother said that she was always afraid she would die alone. So my dad just slept in the chair beside her.” When her mother was alert, Uhlenkott took the opportunity to find out what her mother wanted for her funeral. Although her mother was not Catholic, she asked that her grandson (Uhlenkott’s son, Father Ben Uhlenkott, now pastor at Risen Christ Parish in Boise) preside over her funeral. “Everybody should either write down their last wishes, or have a discussion with family members to tell them what they want done,” she said. Sharing last wishes before dying helps family members avoid disagreements in the stress of grief, she said. At some points, her mother would be at peace with her death, confident that she would be in a better place. “One day, though, she said to my husband Bill, ‘I didn’t think it would be so hard to leave this old world.’ ” As her mother’s breathing slowed down, a family member let Uhlenkott and others know it was time to gather close to her bedside. “I saw her take her last breath,” she said. Uhlenkott’s experience with her mother was so beautiful and meaningful that a friend suggested she volunteer with Syringa Hospice in Grangeville. Her husband, Bill, also became a volunteer. Experience with dad was different than mom The timing was providential, because not long after her mother’s death, Uhlenkott’s oldest brother died suddenly in 2012. Then in 2014, her father was diagnosed with advanced cancer. He lived for 14 days after the diagnosis, and his last days were slightly more active than her mother’s. He would sleep for long periods, and then be alert, but not realize where he was or what was happening. “I would just play along with him. I didn’t try and correct him,” she said. One time, she said, he had a sudden burst of energy and insisted on finding his horse and riding it. Uhlenkott was able to convince him to agree to let one of her nephews drive him around for a bit in a four-wheeler to distract him. He then calmly went back to his room. “He wasn’t confused all the time, just a few days off and on,” she said. When someone is dying, she has found it best to go along with their version of reality, as long as it isn’t doing them any harm. Uhlenkott laid down next to her father during his final night and held his hand until he died. “I knew he had gone because his hand slipped out of mine,” she said. Although it was difficult to say goodbye to her parents, Uhlenkott is grateful for the time and conversations she had with them in hospice, she said. She and Bill continue to support hospice, volunteering to help families and assist with fundraisers. A favorite project of Uhlenkott’s is helping make commemorative Christmas ornaments for hospice families. Eileen and Bill Uhlenkott frequently volunteer to sit with patients so that family caregivers can have some rest. However, there are other needs that volunteers can meet, including bringing meals or baked goods. Hospice will provide training to any who wants to volunteer. Volunteers are taught the signs of death and protocols when visiting a home. Volunteers critical for hospice care Volunteers are always needed in hospice care, said Diane Rutherford, parish nurse at St. Pius X Parish in Coeur d’Alene. Rutherford was a hospice nurse for 12 years before she retired. “Working in hospice was very rewarding,” she said. Rutherford believes more people would call hospice sooner to prepare for death if they understood how much support hospice offers. Too often, she said, people wait until their loved one has only a few days left. With the support of hospice, families can have an easier time preparing for death at home, instead of trying to coordinate everything by themselves. “My philosophy is that there’s not a right or wrong way to die,” Rutherford said. “But, I do think there is a good and a bad way to die. I think that the good way to die is with your family around and lots of support and love, and being empowered to do as much as you can until you can’t do any more,” she said. Many people are not aware that hospice can also provide emotional support and education to family members of those who are dying, Rutherford said. For example, hospice staff can help families resolve conflicts over decisions by moderating discussions, giving a chance for everyone to be heard. Hospice helps prepare family members to support their loved one who is dying, by explaining what happens as the body shuts down. “I think when people understand what is going on during death, they feel like they’re more in control and that helps them relax a little bit,” she said. For example, understanding the differences in breathing, the changes in color of the skin, and the inability to eat or drink can help family members know that death is coming and to be prepared, she said. Just as Eileen Uhlenkott experienced with her parents, there are signs of death that are common to everyone, but there are also aspects of death that are unique to each person, Rutherford said. Some people have very peaceful transitions; others lose track of reality or fight death. Families find it helpful to be able to ask a hospice nurse for advice when something unexpected comes along. Hospice volunteers give family caregivers an opportunity to rest and take care of themselves, which is essential, Rutherford said. Caregivers need to have someone with whom they can share their emotions. “A caregiver has so many fears and anxieties. They need to talk about these fears and be reassured,” she said. Sometimes family members refuse to accept the imminent death of a loved one. This lack of acceptance can become a source of stress for the one who is dying, she said. “Most people who know they are getting toward the end of life don’t want others to tell them they’re going to get better. They want to face it head-on,” she said. Patients don’t always want to share what they are thinking or feeling with family members, especially if they are worried about how their family members will respond to or process the information. “A benefit of hospice is having someone with the patient who isn’t connected so emotionally to the family,” thus allowing the patient more opportunity to be honest about his or her feelings, and even vent frustrations, if needed, Rutherford said. Talking about death and dying in general helps people come to terms with it, she said. “When we accept that death is a part of life, it helps make death more peaceful.” Most areas will have hospice organizations that you can find through web-based searches or by contacting your local parish or hospital. Your regional Health and Welfare Department office may also be able to provide referrals to hospice organizations. If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the April 28 Idaho Catholic Register. Cara Morales, Lori Chaplin and Father Justin Brady (ICR photo/Michelle Wonacott) By Emily Woodham Staff Writer Lori Chaplin was scared to death when she found out she was pregnant with her first child. Her boyfriend of 16 months left her the day before she learned she was pregnant. “I was deathly afraid to tell my parents because they were devoted Catholics,” said Chaplin, president of Respect Life at St. Paul’s Parish in Nampa. She had just started a career at the Art Institute of Minneapolis and was working a second job as a waitress. She felt alone, afraid and ashamed, but she did not want an abortion. Not knowing where else to turn, she went to Birthright for help. “I knew I could go to them because they advertised so well,” she said. Birthright in Minneapolis helped her with all her needs, including finding a place for her to live when she could no longer afford her rent. She also found the courage to tell her parents. The birth of her daughter brought Chaplin – and her parents – tremendous joy. “I still marvel today at how God will bless someone, even though she may not be doing God’s will,” she said. After her daughter was born, Chaplin lived with her parents for five years, which was a time of healing in their relationship. Chaplin eventually married and had four more children. Her first born is now 28 and is pursuing her Ph.D. at the University of Notre Dame. “When a woman is facing an unplanned pregnancy, her best friend is the crisis pregnancy center,” she said. Her gratitude for the help she was given and her passion to help women in need with their pregnancies motivated her to found Treasure Valley Billboards for Life, which raises funds for billboards that spread the word about pregnancy resource centers. In support of the billboard ministry and other prolife work, St. Paul’s Respect Life hosted a dinner on April 21 at Marist Hall in Nampa. About 140 attended the sold-out event. Cara Morales, a licensed marriage and family therapist and former high school theology teacher, gave a talk entitled, “Live Pro-life.” Living pro-life, she said, is based on knowing why one is pro-life, which is “to connect with your own dignity and to honor the dignity of those around you.” Also, a person is pro-life based on his or her personal experiences and beliefs about human value and dignity. People need to know why they are pro-life and live in a consistent pro-life manner in all areas of their lives, Morales said. Prolife believers need to remember that even those who disagree with them have dignity and a reason for their beliefs. “If we can live this out – that each person has unique dignity – I think it would revolutionize our world.” Because pro-life topics are “potentially messy conversations,” it’s important for advocates to combine a “heart” (pastoral) response with their “head” response, which may be based on theology or apologetics. A way of combining these responses is through what Pope Francis calls “accompaniment,” she said. “How do we accompany people on their journey?” Morales said. “Pope Francis says, ‘The Church will have to initiate everyone — priests, religious and laity — into this art of accompaniment , which teaches us to remove our sandals before the sacred ground of the other.’ ” A practical way to accompany a person is through listening and connecting with others, she said. “Our nervous systems are designed to be co-regulatory. That means that if I am upset, one of the ways that I can calm down is to be in the presence of someone who is calm,” she said. When people are in the presence of one who is calm, their brains release oxytocin, a hormone that makes a person feel safe, she said. Difficult or painful conversations requires empathy, she said. “In empathy, I am trying to understand your experience, your situation. I want to understand where you are coming from and what’s going on in you.” The Sisters of Life, a Religious Order whose charism is to help woman in crisis pregnancies, share these responses that can help bring empathy in a difficult conversation: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m glad you told me.” “Tell me more.” “Do you want my advice or do you want me to just listen?” Practicing empathy needs to begin at home, Morales said. Her husband’s parents became pregnant with him when they were seniors in high school. Because of the loving persistence of her husband’s grandmother, his parents decided not to abort him. “Mother Teresa said, ‘If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.’ How are you loving your spouse and your kids? Consider the ripple effect of those conversations, even if they’re hard, with our kids and our kids’ friends.” We can’t comprehend the impact of our home life on the world, she said. If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the April 28 Idaho Catholic Register. By Emily Woodham The Office of Respect Life for the Diocese of Boise has rolled out its new webpage, catholicidaho.org/respect-life. The site includes “Walking with Moms in Need,” which focuses on resources to support mothers in crisis throughout their pregnancy, birth and beyond. “The prolife movement has often been characterized as being simply about the welfare of the unborn child,” said Jay Wonacott, director of the Office of Respect Life and the Office of Marriage and Family Life. “The fact is that the prolife movement for years has been pro-woman and pro-mother in offering shelter, services, and healing in the wake of the devastation that abortion has caused in the lives of millions of women and men.” Last September, Bishop Peter Christensen separated the Office of Respect Life from the Office of the Permanent Diaconate. He then appointed Wonacott as the director. “Our parishes have strong leaders for Respect Life ministries. I see myself as simply supporting them in the good work they are already doing,” Wonacott said. Although the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade last summer, Wonacott said the Church recognizes that its work is not done in safeguarding the sanctity of human life. This includes supporting the mother in need through her pregnancy and in caring for her child. “It is the likes of Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers who are anti-woman. They use women and discard them after they have an abortion,” he said. “Walking with Moms” is a program created by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops in recognition of the need to support mothers in crisis during pregnancy, birth and childrearing. The “Walking with Moms” resource on the Diocesan Respect Life page includes a QR code to scan with phones to quickly access pregnancy resource centers. The Diocese is also providing parishes with help to directly support mothers in need through a matching grant. “This opportunity came from a generous, anonymous donor to the Diocese, wanting to see direct access and help from our parishes to women in need facing a crisis pregnancy or care for a newborn,” Wonacott said. The grant will be used to match a parish contribution for services for a mother up to $500 per parish. Matching donations can come from parish fundraising events or from groups such as the Knights of Columbus. Although parishes must specify the need of the mother they are helping, the Office of Respect Life asks that parishes do not reveal her name, giving her anonymity. Parishes can apply for the matching grant by contacting the Office of Respect Life. In addition to “Walking with Moms,” the webpage also has resources for abortion pill reversal. Although the abortion pill is outlawed in Idaho, mothers in Idaho can still obtain the abortion pill from other states or online. Women who regret taking the abortion pill can begin a treatment with hormones, under the supervision of a medical professional, to stop the progress of the medication-induced abortion. The catholicidaho.org/respect-life website also addresses the need for help and healing for post-abortive women and others who have been impacted by a woman’s choice to abort a baby. Holy Apostles hosting symposium on abortion, surrogate motherhood In addition to website resources, the Office of Respect Life is advocating events presented by parishes. The next scheduled event is a symposium on abortion and surrogate motherhood at Holy Apostles Parish, 6300 N. Meridian Rd., in Meridian from 1 to 4 p.m. on Saturday, May 20. Speakers include Dr. Guillermo Guzman an OB/GYN; Megan Wold, an attorney; and Samantha Stephenson. Dr. Guzman is a physician at Saint Alphonsus Medical Center in Nampa. His experience includes high-risk pregnancies and deliveries, fetal medicine and postpartum care. His talk will focus on abortion and surrogacy techniques and how those affect the health of the mother. Wold is a partner in the Washington, D.C. law firm of Cooper & Kirk. She graduated with her law degree from Notre Dame University and served as a law clerk for U.S. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito from 2014 to 2015. She will explain the legal status of abortion and surrogacy in Idaho. She will also address proposed legislation for 2024. Stephenson, who holds masters’ degrees in bioethics and theology, is the author of the book, “Reclaiming Motherhood from a Culture Gone Mad.” She will speak on the theological and ethical considerations on surrogacy. A Q&A session follows each speaker. For more information, contact Michelle Boisvert at 208-861-4621. The Office of Respect Life is also planning a Mass marking the first anniversary of the Supreme Court’s Dobbs decision. The Mass will be celebrated at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist, 807 N. Eighth St., in Boise on Saturday, June 24. RSVP Here - https://dobbsreception.eventbrite.com/ Father Caleb Vogel, vicar general of the Diocese, will celebrate the 10 a.m. Mass. A reception following the Mass will be hosted by the St. John’s Respect Life Committee. All Respect Life leaders are welcome to the event. However, seating for the reception is limited to 180. A link to RSVP will be provided on the Office of Respect Life webpage. A Diocesan Catholic Respect Life Conference is planned for October. The conference will focus on next steps after last year’s Dobbs decision. Look for details in an upcoming Idaho Catholic Register . If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the April 28 Idaho Catholic Register. By Emily Woodham Staff Writer COTTONWOOD – Sister Mary Forman, OSB, prioress of the Monastery of St. Gertrude, died on April 20. She was 75. “Sister Mary Forman was dedicated to the community and to the Church. She worked with us to make sure we lived out Benedictine values,” said Sister Janet Barnard, OSB. Sister Janet knew Sister Mary for 39 years. “She was a deep thinker and really reflected on the Rule of Benedict, the mystics and Scriptures. She was the only one of our Sisters who taught on a Ph.D. college level,” Sister Janet said. “Her reflections on Benedictine feast days were always thought provoking, drawing us deeper into the mystery of Jesus and how to live that out as Benedictines.” Sister Mary was elected prioress in 2015, although she had been teaching away from the monastery for years, said Sister Clarissa Goeckner, OSB. Sister Clarissa knew her from the time Sister Mary first entered St. Gertrude’s in 1973. “When Sister Mary returned to Cottonwood as prioress, we had to get reacquainted with her. We soon found out that she had incredible amounts of energy. We also learned that she loved learning, did not shrink from work, and was a woman of deep faith and prayer,” Sister Clarissa said. Sister Mary worked nonstop, but she never missed her day off, Sister Clarissa said. But even on her days off, Sister Mary would spend time translating Greek and Latin books into English, a pastime she found relaxing. “Many things could be said of Sister Mary, but one key point was she was a Benedictine to the core.” Although academic and contemplative, Sister Mary also enjoyed music and the arts. A favorite memory of Sister Janet’s is watching Sister Mary perform liturgical dance, especially at Christmas time. “Sister Mary took ballet when she was a little girl and so she did liturgical dance. She and two other sisters would do a liturgical dance to ‘Gentle Woman.’ Each time I hear that song I think of her dancing,” Sister Janet said. Both Sister Clarissa and Sister Janet remember Sister Mary’s laugh well. “We always knew she was home because of her laughter, which rose high above the rest of the Sisters,” Sister Clarissa said. Sister Mary also had big dreams and plans for the community, Sister Clarissa said. “One of her dreams was to finish writing the community history.” She fought cancer on and off again for the past six years. “This liver cancer was just too much,” Sister Clarissa said. Sister Mary was born the oldest of four girls in Boise on Sept. 7, 1947, to Major Neal Forman and Eugenia T. Forman. After earning a bachelor’s degree from Idaho State University in 1970, she worked as a pharmacist. She co-founded the Terry Reilly Clinic in Nampa, the first low-income clinic in that area. Sister Mary came from a strong Catholic family, Sister Janet said. Throughout college and in her career as a young adult, she was dedicated to parish life. One of her aunts was a Carmelite nun, which was a part of her inspiration to pursue religious life, said Sister Janet. “She was especially drawn to the communal prayer life and liturgies.” She entered the Monastery of St. Gertrude in 1973, professing her vows in 1976. She subsequently earned a master’s degree in theology from St. John’s University in Collegeville, Minn. At the University of Toronto, she earned both a master’s degree and Ph.D. in medieval studies, and was honored with an open fellowship. Sister Mary’s friend, Abbot Placid Solari, chancellor at Belmont Abbey College, North Carolina, planned to present her with an honorary doctorate this spring. Her ministries were varied over the decades and spread throughout Idaho, North Dakota, Appalachia, Toronto and Minnesota. She served as a pharmacist, mission effectiveness educator, pastoral associate, and director of religious education. As a youth minister, she helped form the Idaho Catholic Youth program that continues today with the annual Idaho Catholic Youth Conference. She was a teaching assistant, adjunct professor, and visiting professor of theology, spending many years at the College of St. Benedict at St. John’s University. Her deep knowledge of Benedictine spirituality, charism and life also provided opportunities for her to minister as a spiritual director, retreat and workshop facilitator, and a consultant for men’s and women’s monastic communities. Sister Mary was elected a council member for the Federation of St. Gertrude in the 1990s, as well as a board member and, for two years, president of the American Benedictine Academy. She also served as associate editor of the American Benedictine Review, Magistra: A Journal of Women’s Spirituality in History, and Vox Benedictina. She wrote many articles on Benedictine topics, and two books: “Praying with the Desert Mothers,” and “One Heart, One Soul, Many Communities.” She was on a committee for promoting connection with the arts and music at the monastery’s retreat center. She also enjoyed singing in the monastery’s schola (a small ensemble of singers). She served as prioress for eight years. During her tenure, an extensive renovation of the Sisters’ residence was completed, as the Sisters moved toward expanding the definition of the community as the Center for Benedictine Life at the Monastery of St. Gertrude. Sister Mary was preceded in death by her parents. She is survived by her sisters: Andy Herbert of Tualatin, Ore., and Barbara K. Allen, of Coventry, R.I.; nieces and nephews; and the members of her monastic community. Mass of Christian Burial was held on Wednesday, April 26, at 1:30 p.m. at the Monastery. Memorial gifts can be made to the Monastery of St. Gertrude, 465 Keuterville Road, Cottonwood, ID, 83522, or at the website, stgertrudes.org/donate . If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

Feast Day: April 2 The following story appeared in the March 24 Idaho Catholic Register. By Emily Woodham Staff Writer The story of St. Mary of Egypt is at least 1500 years old. It was handed down orally until the seventh century, when monastic communities began to record her story in writing. Although the different stories about her have some discrepancies in details, the general story remains the same: She was a hermit in the 500s (some say 400s), who was discovered by pilgrims in the Judean desert during their Lenten penances. In each story, she was found old, naked and miraculously kept alive. After being begged by the pilgrims to bless them, St. Mary tells her story of conversion before dying. St. Sophronius, Bishop of Jerusalem, recorded the most accepted of the stories of St. Mary. It is used by the Byzantine Rite of the Catholic Church and in the Orthodox Churches in their liturgy for St. Mary, which is celebrated on the Fifth Sunday of Lent. Mary was born to a Christian family in Egypt in the early fifth century. Although her family cared for her, she was rebellious and ran away to the great city of Alexandria when she was 12. She lost her virginity as soon as she could and sought sexual pleasures at every opportunity. However, she refused to be paid for her favors. She spun wool as her occupation, only working enough so that she could afford food and clothes. For 17 years, she lived a dissolute life of alcohol and sexual revelry, seeking only to please herself. Then one day, she became curious about the droves of people going to the harbor. She found out from a passerby that they were pilgrims going to Jerusalem for the celebration of Holy Week. Excited by the challenge to satiate her lust on a pilgrimage, she went to a group of men at one of the boats. She proposed that if they took her with them, they would have pleasure and entertainment. Seeing that she was serious about her shamelessness, they eagerly took her with them. Mary continued her partying in Jerusalem until Good Friday. She noticed people flocking into the Church of the Holy Sepulcher to venerate a relic of the True Cross and decided it was worth the spectacle to join them. She shoved her way through the crowd and walked up to the open doorway. She attempted to step over the threshold, but was met with an indescribable force. She tried to push her way through the empty space, but every effort failed. Then she ran at the entrance with all her might, but to no avail. Exhausted, she went to the church courtyard and wept. Mary looked up and saw an icon of the Mother of God on the courtyard wall. Filled with hope, she looked into the eyes of the icon and repented. She begged the Blessed Virgin Mary to help her and allow her to venerate the Divine Cross. She also vowed to the Blessed Mother to live a penitent life with her help and to follow wherever the Blessed Mother led her for penance and salvation through her Son. After praying, Mary’s heart filled with a burning faith. She boldly went back to the church’s threshold and entered. In the story, she says, “Thus I understood the promises of God and realized how God receives those who repent. I threw myself on the floor and kissed the sacred dust. Then I went out and ran back to her who was my mediator.” Following the prodding of the Mother of God, Mary went to the Jordan River. After washing herself, she went to the Church of St. John the Baptist for Mass. She then went into the desert with a jug of water from the Jordan and two-and-a-half loaves of bread she had bought with alms. The first years of Mary’s life in the desert were torment. She went through severe withdrawals from her addictions to sex and alcohol. She was constantly tempted to return to her old life. She fought despair that she would ever be free from her sinful appetites. Through her many fears and temptations, she continually returned to the Mother of God. Mary would recall the icon of the Blessed Virgin Mary and cling to the reassurance of Mary’s help as mother and mediator. She also clung to the hope of the grace of her baptism. After 17 years of battling through her sin and the assaults of the devil, Mary finally found herself at peace. When she had been in the desert for 47 years, a priest named Zosima found her. He had joined a strict monastic community that went into the Judean desert during Lent to fast and pray. After figuring out that Mary was not a demon, Zosima ran after her to meet her. However, she kept running away from him because all her clothes had worn away and fallen off. At last, she shouted to him to throw her his cloak. After covering herself, she allowed him near her. She pointed out to him that as a priest, he was entrusted with the most Holy Eucharist and should not look for a blessing from her. Instead, he should be the one blessing others. But Zosima pleaded with her all the more because he knew she was the answer to his prayers to find spiritual direction. She relented, blessed him and shared her story. Zosima returned the next year on Holy Thursday and brought Mary communion, which she had not consumed since she first entered the desert. He returned the following year with communion again, but found she had died. According to the legend, a lion helped dig her grave. Then Zosima buried her. She is the patron saint of penitents, chastity, deliverance from demons and temptations, healing of fever and skin diseases. If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the March 24 Idaho Catholic Register. Bishop Peter Christensen lays his hands on the head of Brother Jonathan Kilkelly, VS, ordaining him to the Order of the Diaconate at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist on March 19. The diaconate is the final step before being ordained to the priesthood. Brother Jonathan is a member of the Verbum Spei Fraternity based at Our Lady of Ephesus Monastery in Boise. (ICR photo/Emily Woodham) By Emily Woodham Staff Writer Matthew Kilkelly flew more than 18 hours from New Zealand to be in Boise for the transitional diaconate ordination of his son, Brother Jonathan Kilkelly of the Verbum Spei (“Word of Hope”) community. When asked what he thought of his son’s ordination, Matthew replied, in sign language, “Wonderful!” Matthew, who is deaf, taught Jonathan and his six siblings sign language when they were young children. “It was beautiful to watch Brother Jonathan interpret the ceremony to his dad, so that he could know what was being said,” said Ginger Mortensen, who attended the ordination. Brother Jonathan’s mother, Gabriel, was unable to attend due to her need to care for her sister and young children still at home. “She’s a saint,” Brother Jonathan said, whose two sisters are also in a religious community, Sisters of Mary Morningstar. About 250 gathered at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist in Boise for the ordination on March 19. Brother Jonathan was ordained by Bishop Peter Christensen. He concelebrated the Mass with Father Wandrille Sevin, the general superior for the worldwide Fraternity of Verbum Spei; Father Dominque Fauré, the prior for the Verbum Spei community at Our Lady of Ephesus monastery in Boise, and Father Johannes Kamphuis, V.S. Brother Jonathan thanks many who played role in his journey After his ordination, Deacon Jonathan thanked so many involved in his spiritual journey, beginning with a quote from mystic Marthe Robin: “Each soul has pages in its life unknown to itself which are written by the merits, the prayers, the penances and the sufferings of other souls.” There are so many, he said, who have played a part in the path of his life. “I am immensely grateful to God and to the Blessed Virgin Mary for each one of you. Thank you for being instruments of God for me and for all the love and mercy you have shown me.” He thanked Bishop Peter for being a father to the Verbum Spei Brothers and to himself. “We truly appreciate all you do for us, and we consider ourselves very blessed to be so close to you,” he said to Bishop Peter. Brother Jonathan with his father, Matthew Kilkelly, who came from New Zealand to attend the ordination of his son to the diaconate by Bishop Peter Christensen at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist. Because Matthew Kilkelly is hearing-impaired, Brother Jonathan signed the Bishop’s homily to him. (ICR photo/Emily Woodham) He thanked his Verbum Spei Brothers for their example in prayer, patience and mercy. He thanked the religious Sisters who have been guardians of his vocation by their prayers. He thanked his parents and grandparents for their unconditional love and for teaching him to love God before all else. He signed his thanks to his hearing-impaired dad for his being there, for his faithfulness to God and to his family. He also thanked Father Dominique, the Prior and mentor at Our Lady of Ephesus Monastery. “Thank you for being so selfless in your care for me and my vocation and in your sharing of wisdom with me and the Brothers. You have given us everything,” he said. Bishop Peter, during his homily, echoed Deacon Jonathan’s gratitude to Father Dominique. “The Diocese of Boise is so grateful for your presence among us,” he said. “You and your brothers have given us all a profound gift by your life and prayer, allowing us to grow in the goodness of God’s presence among us through your commitment to serve as the living Word of Hope, as made so visible in each of you.” Baptism opens eyes to a new vision of life The Bishop urged Brother Jonathan to “know that you were chosen from all time to be dedicated into the service of the Lord as His dear companion, as were His first disciples. He has planned for your participation in bearing witness to His saving works through the sacrament of your ordination and the sacraments you will offer.” “Because of baptism, your life is seen differently,” the Bishop said. “The way with which we think about our life and death is filled with a greater sense of hope and meaning. We sense ever more clearly the closeness of the One to whom we ultimately belong. The friends we keep are of greater value; they help us on the journey. The worship we give directs our focus heavenward. The desires we have are to serve God and others, recognizing the inherent value, the dignity of every human life.” “The greatest pleasure that can be known is to know that we are loved by God and can serve Him as his instruments for his plan for the world, to assist our brothers and sisters on their journey to eternal salvation,” the Bishop said. “Our Lord will use you to do great things for His people.” Baptism, healing and service were themes in the Gospel reading (John 9:1-41) for the Mass, which was the story of Jesus healing a man who was born blind. “In the Gospel, we see Jesus moving as light through a dimmed world of understanding and sight,” Bishop Peter said. Jesus healed the man, although he did not ask to be healed. “Perhaps he did not ask for healing because he thought his ailment was beyond reach,” he said. In Jesus’ time, saliva was thought to have healing properties. Jesus’ use of saliva to make clay recalls the original creation of humanity as described in the book of Genesis, the Bishop said, noting that when Jesus mixed his saliva with the dirt, he was giving of his very self in the clay. “How incarnational! How powerful!” he said, noting also that Jesus gives of His very self in His body and blood in the Eucharist. After putting the clay on the man’s eyes, Jesus told him to wash in the Pool of Siloam, which means “sent.” “The man washed, is able to see, and was sent forward,” he said, pointing out that this washing recalls our baptism . The vision given the blind man is two-fold, seeing the life around him and gaining a vision of eternal life in which another, greater reality has entered his world. “Life has greater meaning than ever previously imagined because he has been touched, not only by a prophet, but the very Son of God, Jesus Christ the Messiah.” The greatness of the miracle causes the man to worship, highlighting that his restored sight is far superior than that of the Pharisees. “The Pharisees expel the blind man, but Jesus welcomes him with the light of faith. And the healed man receives the gift.” “Jesus comes to us today, and we come to Him unaware of what He is able to do,” the Bishop said. “He stoops down and offers us healing, recalling the original order of our Creation as modeled out of clay by our loving God.” God’s creation, though blinded by sin, is washed anew in the waters of baptism, a sacrament that allows us to see with eyes that focus on more than this world alone. “Je-sus opens our eyes to God’s presence among us in the here and now and forever.” Three Verbum Spei Brothers are installed as lectors Before Brother Jonathan’s ordination to the Diaconate, Brothers John Paul O’Sullivan, Joseph Smith and Thomas Fransen, all of whom are also from New Zealand, were installed as lectors in the Rite of Lector at the Mass. As lectors, they are given the privilege to proclaim the Word of God at Mass. This is a first step toward ordination to the priesthood. The ministry of a lector is powerful, because the Word of God is loving, Bishop Peter said. “By your proclamation of the Word, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, you will help to make the eyes of others see ever more clearly God’s presence among men, leading them on the path made visible toward their eternal life in Heaven.” Brother Joseph’s parents, Peter and Marietta Smith, also travelled from New Zealand for the occasion. If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

A Moscow woman, trained in the Creighton Method of Fertility Care, says the Natural Family Planning method perfectly fits her philosophy of medicine and faith. The following story appeared in the January 27 Idaho Catholic Register. Monica Eggleston and her husband, Mark Houghton By Emily Woodham Staff Writer Monica Eggleston is a family practice and functional medicine nurse practitioner who is passionate about her Catholic faith and providing holistic medical care, which includes Natural Family Planning (NFP) for couples who want to plan their families without using contraception. The Catholic Church upholds that human life is sacred and begins at conception ( Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2270 ). This view of human life and its inherent dignity affects the Church’s teachings on marriage, family and community, including its teachings on family planning. The website for the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops states: “The Catholic Church supports the methods of Natural Family Planning (NFP) because they respect God’s design for married love.” NFP methods vary. In general, they are based on a woman’s fertility cycle. Depending on the method, a woman charts different signs and symptoms of fertility to determine fertile and infertile days in her cycle. Through prayer and discussion, couples discern whether they should achieve or avoid pregnancy. A few years ago, Eggleston re-discovered an NFP method called the “Creighton Model of Fertility Care.” The research of its co-founder, Dr. Thomas Hilgers, M.D., was a perfect fit for her philosophy of medicine and faith. The Creighton Model is all about health and healing, Eggleston said. “Dr. Hilgers says that gynecologic care has been so focused on abortion, sterilization and contraception that it lost the focus on actual health and healing and preserving the reproductive potential,” said Eggleston, a parishioner at St. Augustine’s Parish in Moscow. Eggleston works for Palouse Care Network, one of several pregnancy re-source centers throughout the state that offer alternatives to abortion. She also works at WISH Medical in Moscow, which offers resources to women facing unplanned pregnancies. “Dr. Hilgers was in medical school when Humanae vitae came out, and his work was basically a response to that,” said Eggleston. Humanae vitae is an encyclical written by Pope St. Paul VI in 1968, in which he upheld the Church’s teaching on sexuality and the problems of contraception. Hilgers investigated the Billings ovulation method of NFP and from there developed his Creighton Model. With financial support in part from the Diocese of Boise’s Office of Marriage and Family Life, Eggleston was able to finish her training as a Creighton Model Medical Consultant in April of this year. To become a consultant, a medical practitioner needs to attend two nine-day courses in Omaha and complete several other training requirements. Since she began offering classes in the Creighton Model System in November of 2021, 21 women and couples have been taught this method for fertility care that can be used to achieve or avoid pregnancy and monitor reproductive health in a manner consistent with Church teaching. Even though the classes promote the Catholic view, they are open to all women. More classes are being scheduled, she said. According to its website, creightonmodel.com , the model uses a chart with a number of physical metrics to determine patterns of reproductive health. The method’s effectiveness is about 99.5 percent for avoiding pregnancy and 96.8 percent for achieving pregnancy in couples of normal fertility. It also has effective applications for couples with infertility. Eggleston’s training in functional medicine primed her as well to learn NaPro Natural Procreative Technology. “NaPro looks at the root causes of health problems, not just treating symptoms,” she said. NaPro stems from the Creighton Model, and helps diagnose and treat fertility problems and many other female health concerns, including abnormal bleeding, PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), and PMS (premenstrual syndrome), she said. Eggleston began offering NaPro services in May of this year. “I have begun working with several couples with infertility, one who is now currently in her first trimester of pregnancy, praise God!” She has used NaPro protocols for progesterone support in pregnancy for women who have previously miscarried, who have PCOS and other reproductive health issues, and to treat women with postpartum depression. “We currently have a short waiting list for NaPro services, but will always work to quickly accommodate women who are pregnant or experiencing postpartum depression, due to the potential urgency of those situations,” she said. Currently, she is the only Creighton medical consultant using NaPro Technology in Idaho, although there are others who can see Idaho patients virtually. A nurse at Palouse Care Network also started the Creighton training in October. She and Eggleston can both teach the charting. With her medical consultant training, Eggleston can also provide the medical NaPro applications. “The Creighton Model is very professional, very standardized,” she said. “It’s a lot of hard work and study, but the results of using Creighton and NaPro have been positive.” “Here at Palouse Care Network and WISH Medical, we are blessed to work and live in very generous faith, business, and medical communities, many of whose members support our services, and without whom we could not operate the way that we do,” she said. Some of the services at the centers have fees, but the centers depend primarily on donations. In addition to the specialized care offered by Eggleston, the clinics offer other reproductive medical care, free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds, and social support, including sexual trauma support, pornography addiction recovery and post-abortion recovery, post-miscarriage support, parenting and relationship classes. Eggleston is appreciate of the sup-port the Diocese of Boise provided for her training. “There are many couples who are trying to follow the teachings of the Church and their conscience, and they need to know that there are effective tools that can help them,” she said. For more information about Palouse Care Network or to donate, go to palousecarenetwork.com . For more information on NaPro Technology, go to naprotechnology.com . If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

March for Life: Dobbs launches new era in pro-life cause The following story appeared in the January 27 Idaho Catholic Register. Olivia Works leads the annual March for Life down Capitol Boulevard and to the State Capitol on Jan. 21. About 700 participated in the march. (ICR photos/Vero Gutiérrez) By Emily Woodham Staff Writer BOISE – The recent Supreme Court decision that overturned Roe v. Wade and handed abortion back to the states was a huge victory for the pro-life movement, but those who support safeguarding all life cannot give in to the temptation to rest on their laurels, participants in the annual March for Life in Boise on Jan. 21 were told. “And as much as we have to celebrate, and it is a great deal, we have even more left to do because in truth, Dobbs is not the culmination of the pro-life movement, but it’s a second beginning,” said Megan Wold, the keynote speaker at the rally that drew about 700 marching down Capitol Boulevard to the steps of the State Capitol. Wold, a former law clerk to Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito who wrote the majority opinion in the decision that overturned the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision, opened her remarks with a moment of silence for the approximate 63 million lives lost to abortion since 1973. As marchers bowed their heads, about 25 protestors across the street from the State Capitol chanted for a reinstatement of federal rights for abortion. Although small in number, the shouting protestors punctuated the message from speakers that the work of the pro-life community is not done. Pro-life advocates at both the Life Mass that preceded the march and at the rally celebrated last summer’s U.S. Supreme Court decision, Dobbs v. Jackson, that overturned the Roe decision. The Dobbs case returned the right to state legislatures to determine laws regarding abortion. Due to that decision, this may be the final March for Life held in January in Boise, said Jason Herring, president of Right to Life of Idaho. Pro-life groups are considering moving the march to summer in commemoration of the Dobbs decision. “Roe never got to see its 50th birthday because of the work of pro-life advocates like you,” Herring told those attending. “We give honor to the brave justices of the Supreme Court who returned the power back to the people to protect life in our states.” Wold, a partner in Washington D.C. law firm Cooper & Kirk, said the Dobbs decision gives the power back to the people to protect life. “This is a time of great joy. But as we celebrate the decision, we also celebrate the effort of this movement, which for 50 years spoke the truth about unborn life and the grave evil of abortion.” Hundreds of lives have been saved due to the robust pro-life laws in Idaho, Wold said, referring to recent anti-abortion legislation and the Idaho State Supreme Court decisions that upheld that legislation. However, those laws will “not be the end of the story in Idaho,” she said. The threats made to the lives of Supreme Court justices who sided with Alito to overturn Roe underscore the fact that pro-life advocates will need to be fearless in the face of opposition and continue to promote the protection of human life, she said. “We must vote; we must share our views on life, by persuading our friends, families and neighbors. We must continue our prayers and our vigils, and we must march at events like this to show that the pro-life movement is also strong, also motivated, and will not stop acting to protect life,” she said. WOLD, WHO MOVED to Idaho with her family last year, told marchers that her infant had to be hospitalized in intensive care in December. During that time, she witnessed the care of premature babies, who were born at 26 weeks’ gestation and earlier. The experience, she said, strengthened her resolve that all human life is precious and must be protected. The science that has helped these premature babies to survive is the science that “has only helped to show the truth of what we speak for.” “Idahoans have shown to my fam-ily, during the crisis that we endured, that this is a people of prayer. We are a people of great love, of enormous generosity and with true passion for life. And together we will protect life in Idaho. And Idaho will remain a state that loves the unborn,” she said. Herring said there were only two social movements in the United States that were fought over personhood – slavery and abortion. Between the end of slavery in 1865 until the Civil Rights movement of a century later, advocates for equality dropped the ball by not continuing to fight for the dignity of all people, Herring said. Given the recent Dobbs decision, Herring expressed concern that this same kind of apathy – falsely thinking that advocacy is no longer needed – could happen to the pro-life movement. “Roe is dead. However, abortion is not dead,” Herring said. “The unnatural killing of a preborn child in the womb still continues to go on. We cannot tire; we cannot fatigue. We must continue to march for life every single year, if need be, to show that we will speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. We will defend the defenseless until all life in America is respected and protected under law.” At least 400 attended the Life Mass celebrated by Bishop Peter Christensen on Saturday, Jan. 21. The Bishop’s homily focused on God’s love for each individual and how He sees each person as a pearl of great price. “You are so valuable in God’s mind. You are His work of art, and He will do anything to have you with Him forever,” he said. (ICR photo/Vero Gutiérrez) EARLIER IN THE DAY , Bishop Peter Christensen celebrated the annual Life Mass at the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist attended by at least 400. Embracing the enormous and life-changing love that Jesus has for us should define this next chapter in the pro-life movement following the Dobbs decision, the Bishop said. Bishop Peter began his homily by recognizing the life of Roger Graefe, a parishioner and former youth minister at Sacred Heart Parish in Boise, who recently passed away. The Bishop described Graefe as a man of “encouragement and joy,” When someone who had worked with Graefe in youth ministry described Graefe as “radically vulnerable,” Bishop Peter looked into the term more deeply. In doing so, he realized how important this was to Graefe’s childlike joy and faith. To be “radically vulnerable” has Latin origins “rooted in being open to woundedness,” Bishop Peter said, noting that Jesus compares the Kingdom of Heaven as buried treasure in a field and the pearl of great price (Matt. 13:44-46). Using that passage and also referring to Matt. 22:15-22 in which Jesus said to “repay to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God,” Bishop Peter said that the people of Jesus time fell into three different camps: the Pharisees, the Herodians, and the true treasure seekers. The Pharisees, he said, hijacked religion and worship of God, transforming it into a heavy burden that was all about the externals. The Herodians, on the other hand, were more worried about pleasing Caesar than pleasing God. Jesus teaches His disciples a third way, the way of treasure, the Bishop said. “Let the treasure of great value transform your life. Get rid of all the other stuff. Get in relationship with your Heavenly Father who loves you deeply.” It may seem simple, but the Bishop warned that those who root themselves in the treasure and leave the superficiality and status quo of this world will “enter a new dimension that’s going to make you very vulnerable to other people.” Some don’t want the spiritual side of life because they might lose control, he said. “Some don’t want another side to life, they only want control of life as they see it.” “My brothers and sisters, disciples go deep. You will find the treasure, and when you find the treasure, you will realize it’s really the Treasure (God) who found you: you are the treasure.” “Do you belong to God or not? Whose face is upon you? Who’s on your heart? Is it Caesar? Or is it God? Are you a child of God? Or a child of Caesar?” Bishop Peter asked. Of the billions of people on the face of the earth throughout time, each person is unique, the Bishop said. Each person, to Jesus, is a treasure; a pearl of great price. “You are so valuable in God’s mind. You are His work of art, and He will do anything to have you with Him forever.” This knowledge of the value of hu-man life is the reason Catholics are inherently pro-life, he said. “We under-stand the value of every single human life, no exception, each unique in the mind and heart of God.” “Jesus is on a treasure hunt. He’s looking for the pearl of great price – that’s you, that’s all of our brothers and sisters throughout the world. He wants us. How much will He pay for us? Everything! He will give His entire life for love of His people,” he said. “Chapter two” of the pro-life movement, Bishop Peter, is our calling to bring the love of God in the world. “We know what it is to love and to be loved – vulnerably, recklessly, radically – to encourage one another to a better life,” he said. Those who continue to live out this treasure-focused life centered on Jesus Christ and His Kingdom “will continue to spread the Good News to others by our words and our actions, and abortion will be no more.” If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.

The following story appeared in the December 16 Idaho Catholic Register. For many families, differing beliefs about religion, politics or values can turn festivities into heated arguments and painful words. Sometimes tense situations are exacerbated by past hurt and trauma common to many families. By Emily Woodham Staff Writer Families spread out hundreds of miles across the state or country over most the year come together during the holidays, suddenly only arms-length apart although perhaps still miles apart philosophically or politically. With that, hopes for holidays filled with peace and joy and love and laughter, sometimes fall apart. For many families, differing beliefs about religion, politics or values can turn festivities into heated arguments and painful words. Sometimes tense situations are exacerbated by past hurt and trauma common to many families. All this can lead to the question, “Is it worth going home for the holidays?” Jay Wonacott, director of marriage and family life for the Diocese of Boise, believes it is. “The family is all about love,” Wonacott said, referring to St. Pope John Paul II’s 1981exhortation Familiaris Consortio (“On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World”). The document describes the family as the “first school” of humanity and that “the future of humanity passes by way of the family.” Ideally, the family is that institution that “is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God’s love for humanity and the love of Christ the Lord for the Church and His bride,” Wonacott said. However, it is a truism that most families fall well short of this lofty standard. Thus, it is a worthwhile exercise in advance of family get-togethers happen to reflect on our personal expectations, said Dr. Joe Lipetzky, Psy.D., a Catholic mental health provider at Cornerstone Psychological Associates. “Many privately hold a whimsical view of what family is: always happy and cheerful, always protecting each other and never hurting each other, and filled with loving conversation without ever an argument. A real family is quite the opposite,” Lipetzky said. Most all families experience the “lowest lows,” sometimes showing the worst side of themselves, he said. “But they can also work together through the issues and come out on the other side of it loving each other and understanding each other on a much deeper level than ever before.” Familial love can be elevated to agape love It is sometimes a challenging task for families to live up to the ideal, Wonacott points out. He refers to the C.S. Lewis classic, “The Four Loves,” where Lewis defines familial love (in the Greek, storge meaning “affection”) as a love that is not chosen freely. Instead, it is something into which we are born. Dr. Joe Lipetzky and Matthew Peck “It is the most welcoming and frustrating of loves,” Wonacott said. It many ways, love among family members mirrors the unconditional or (agape) love of God, because by nature of our familial relationship, the love is there. However, the familial love can be elevated by agape love, Christ’s love, which can then “drive us to love better,” Wonacott said. Matthew Peck, also a Catholic mental health provider at Cornerstone Psychological Associates, said the marriage relationship needs to be the first priority, above extended family relationships, always keeping in mind that marriage is a sacrament that should treated as such. It is important that before events with extended family that spouses communicate expectations, Peck said. “The number one way extended family can harm a marriage is when the couple is found unprepared and not on the same page,” he said. “Communicate with your spouse your thoughts and feelings around family plans and make sure you both understand each other and feel supported by one another.” The next priority after marriage are the couple’s children. To help prepare children for visits with extended family, Dr. Joe Lipetzky said it is important for parents to state that they are going to be the best versions of themselves, encouraging the kids to do the same. It can be helpful for parents to say, “We’re loving, and we’re going to be loving and be Christ-like for them. We want to treat them like we want to be treated.” This attitude shifts the focus from assuming the negative about each family member to trying to see the good intentions of everyone involved, he said. For older children who recognize the stresses that can come from family members with different views, parents should emphasize, “We aren’t going to fix them, and we don’t want to be fixed by them,” Dr. Lipetzky said. Children should also be reminded that if they are feeling stressed by a situation, that they come to their parents to talk about it. Giving children a code word to use when they are feeling overwhelmed can help them communicate more easily. When kids feel overwhelmed, it is important for parents to remove them from the situation, whether on a walk or to a different room, and to let them express their thoughts and feelings. “Parents need to listen and validate; just give them listening and understanding. When somebody feels heard, they calm down. This is natural, and it is a bonding process.” Don’t let one person spoil the whole party If there is historical conflict with an extended family member, it is important not to let that one person spoil the opportunity to see loved ones, Peck said. One can think ahead and strategize of how best to cope with a difficult person, he said. Part of that strategizing may include setting boundaries and stepping away if those boundaries are threatened. Another option is to ask a spouse or another third party to help keep interactions in check. Some introspection may also be necessary, Peck recommends. Before focusing on how a family member needs to change, it may be best to ask oneself, “What can I do? How do I need to change? How can I show kindness and charity in order to bring peace and harmony into this family?” During interactions, it can be helpful to keep in mind what Peck defines as three zones of stress, which he places on a scale of zero to 10. From zero to five, are normal feelings that can be easily managed. The next zone of stress – 5 to 7 – it can be helpful to divert attention by switching topics or moving to a different conversation or activity. For the more extreme level of feeling overwhelmed by a situation, taking a walk or finding another way to remove oneself from a situation may be necessary. In those rare situations when things become too tense and cannot be resolved with changing the topic or activity, then it is time for families to leave in as polite a manner as possible. A Christian should always be ready to take the “high road.” A Christian does not always have to have the final word or always be “right.” A holiday meal is not going to be the time to solve the world’s problems or theological and political disputes. Holiday meals are not a time to bring up past hurts with those we love. For the Christian, a family get-together is a perfect opportunity to set the example of that agape love to which St. Paul alludes – a love that is patient and kind, not jealous, pompous, inflated or rude. “It is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury.” (1 Cor. 13:5) Christians, by nature, should always look for the best in others, particularly in those we love. St. Paul also wrote, “Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up.” (1 Thess. 5:11) If you enjoyed this story and would like to read more like it, please consider buying a subscription to the Idaho Catholic Register. Your $20 yearly subscription also supports the work of the Diocese of Boise Communications Department, which includes not only the newspaper, but this website, social media posts and videos. You can subscribe here , or through your parish, or send a check to 1501 S. Federal Way, Boise, ID, 83705: or call 208-350-7554 to leave a credit card payment. Thank you, and God bless you.