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Anchored in Hope: faith and intimacy at heart of the Idaho Catholic Marriage Conference
By Kathryn Pasker Ineck
ICR Assistant Editor
“The goal in marriage is not to survive one another but to sustain one another.”
That was the truth Curtis Martin offered couples at the 2nd Annual Idaho Catholic Marriage Conference. The event, themed Anchored in Hope, took place Oct. 24 in downtown Boise at the Boise Centre and was hosted by the Diocese of Boise Office of Marriage & Family Life. Participants listened to speakers, attended Mass, and had the opportunity to go to Confession and/or pray with couples trained by the Encounter School of Ministry.
Along with his wife, Michaelann, and Catholic theologian Dr. Edward Sri, Martin encouraged couples to see marriage not simply as a lifelong commitment but as a vocation that calls spouses to grow in faith, practice love and continually strengthen their relationship.
A spiritual foundation of love
Bishop Peter F. Christensen celebrated Mass for attendees alongside Father Dat Vu, Our Lady of the Rosary, Boise; Father Pako Godínez, Corpus Christi, Fruitland; Father Camilo García, St. Nicholas, Rupert; Deacon Keith Pettyjohn, St. Mary’s, Boise; and other members of the clergy.
In his homily, Bishop Peter remarked that “this [conference] is a kind of a refresher course that we’re celebrating, refreshing ourselves on the dignity of marriage ... Marriage is a vocation to bring witness of God’s love to the world. Committed love is extremely powerful and is very much needed in the world today. You know the story, you know the statistics, you see the fallen world around you.”
Married couples, he added, offer an example of real and permanent love, graced by God’s call and presence in their lives.
Reflecting on Jesus calming the tempest in the Gospel of Luke, Bishop Peter offered couples direction: Jesus sets the course, remains present through difficulties and responds to prayers in ways that may not always be immediately understood.
For married couples, he said, Christ is not a distant observer but a companion and pilot in the storms of life. Couples can trust in His presence and guidance, especially when they cannot understand the challenges they face.
Cultivating married love
Catholic theologian and author Dr. Edward Sri challenged couples to look beyond a view of love based primarily on feelings or personal fulfillment. Drawing on Christ’s self-giving love on the cross, he said marriage calls spouses to seek one another’s good, even amid misunderstandings and everyday frustrations. Those challenges, he explained, can become opportunities to encounter Christ and grow in patience, humility and love.
“We all have these [challenging] areas in our life, and Jesus is inviting us to learn to love more,” he said. “I think of Jesus on the cross, so misunderstood, not listened to. Jesus on the cross, and the people that were closest to Him — His closest disciples —weren’t there for Him. They didn’t show up for Him. There were hurtful words and actions. That’s marriage. If there’s a couple that doesn’t have that in their marriage, I want to meet them because that means they should be canonized today.
“Real love is husband and wife being shoulder to shoulder,” he continued, “looking upward, and together serving something bigger than themselves, their community, their parish, the poor, a mission and, if they’re blessed with children, 24/7 giving their lives to their children, to their grandchildren. That’s what real love is.”
Developing intimacy
There are four dimensions of marital intimacy — spiritual, emotional, relational and physical — that couples can cultivate to strengthen their sacramental marriage, according to the Martins.
Spiritual intimacy, they explained, begins with knowing the living God and turning to Him and each other when challenges arise. Emotional intimacy, meanwhile, requires vulnerability and
communication.
Curtis referenced psychologist John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — as behaviors that threaten emotional connection. He taught that couples can foster greater closeness by assuming the best intentions of the other.
Relational intimacy involves nurturing companionship through shared activities, working together and having fun.
While couples may naturally prioritize spending time together early in their relationship, the Martins encouraged them to continue dating each other and investing in their marriage throughout the years.
The couple explained that physical intimacy is also an expression of the spouses’ total gift of self to one another. In sacramental marriage, the physical relationship is not separate from the spiritual and emotional bonds; it is meant to express the couple’s deeper union.
“We’ve always been committed to the sacraments, like monthly confession. We’ve also tried to include our kids on mission, so they know God has called us to this as a family.” Michaelann told the Idaho Catholic Register, adding that Prayer and dating are also important.
As parents of nine children — two of whom have disabilities — and grandparents of 12, making time for regular dates can be challenging.
“It’s sometimes difficult to get special caregivers for the boys because they don’t stay with just anybody,” Michaelann said, underscoring the growing common experience of caregiving many couples face today as they care for disabled family members or aging parents.
In closing
“Fear not the future, but rather focus on the kingdom present, which gives us a taste of the kingdom yet to come,” said Bishop Peter. His message reiterated the conference’s central theme: Anchored in Hope. For married couples, that hope is expressed not only in prayer and trust in Christ but also in the daily encouragement, gratitude and selfless actions through which spouses sustain one another.
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